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Many of us grew up believing that God was important and others were important but that we were not important. The resulting fallacy was that we were then trying to give something that we didn’t have ourselves. We even thought that having any form of self-love was to be selfish. In reality it was our lack of self-love that made us selfish and contributed to our emptiness. While we did our best to love others it was a love based on our need. This kind of love always comes with hooks attached. These we recognize in controlling behaviours when we expect another to conform to our expectations. It also is revealed in such remarks as; ‘after all I did for that child, now that she’s grown up, this is the way she treats me. Children spell love differently to us adults. For them its TIME. For adults it’s FREEDOM. The freedom that I experience in any adult relationship is the true measure of love. A man may be prepared to swear on the Bible as to how much he loves his wife. When asked if she feels loved the wife may smile and say, ‘certainly not I just feel trapped by his neediness.’

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