CHILDHOOD NEEDS, ADULT EXPECTATIONS


Relationships can be like a minefield where at the most unexpected time an explosion can shatter the peace. As we journey through life we continuously run aground on the rocks of our past that lie just beneath the surface of consciousness. It is precisely the world of relationships that bring us into those areas of our past that are challenging and cry out for healing. The unmet needs of our childhood we bring forward into our adult world of relating where we look towards significant others to meet those needs. Looking for a husband to also be the father who died when I was a child, or to a wife to also be the mother who never showed affection, can place an intolerable burden on any relationship. The unmet needs of our childhood can be described as ‘resentments under construction’. The one who carries them resents the other for not meeting them while the one expected to meet them resents the fact of being burdened by them. Unless we take responsibility for our own unmet childhood needs and look after them ourselves no one else can or will.

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