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The loss of someone we love is far from being a game but we often play games with our grief. This is when we are not honest about how we are really feeling and try to pretend that everything is much better than it actually is. The excuse we usually make is that we don’t want to upset others and we don’t want to see them crying. Aged eleven my own father died suddenly leaving just my mother and myself. Even though both of us were missing him terribly, neither of us spoke about him to the other. We probably thought we were doing the right thing by protecting each other from our grief while in fact we were just trying to avoid our own. In not wanting to see my mother in tears I was holding back my own. At a time when we should have been enabling each other to grieve we were in fact blocking the process. Not only that, but by not talking about what was our shared loss, we were creating an unconscious barrier that made it difficult to communicate around other emotional issues.

Fr Jim Cogley


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