Fr Jim Cogley
Our current relationships are always operating against the backdrop of our earlier ones. A couple come into marriage with both carrying two well laden suitcases from their past. The dynamics of the relationship will sooner or later trigger the release mechanisms on both cases. As the contents begin to come out, each is laden with emotions that have been long buried, and the closest target becomes the partner. The tendency therefore is to blame him or her for making me unhappy, sad, angry, disappointed or whatever. At this point the couple may be in crisis mode where their earlier profession of undying love has gone out the window. Here they are no longer relating to each other as adults but are reacting as children. Each is blaming the other for their state of misery. It takes quite a degree of maturity to realize that I am the one who is solely responsible for my miseries and my happiness and while my uncomfortable emotions may have been triggered by the other, he or she was never the cause. Bothe parties need to find space in their individual wardrobes for the contents of their suitcase and only them can growth in the relationship begin to happen.