BURNOUT

Fr Jim Cogley

The occupational hazard in my profession is paradoxically what the role of a priest is supposed to be all about. At ordination part of the ceremony is to prostrate oneself in front of the altar as a symbol of service to the People of God. In theory then the good priest should always be of service, be available 24/7 and always have his mobile phone at the ready. This is also part of the burden of expectation that comes with the job that today is mostly imposed by non-churchgoers who often expect their needs to be met as and when they want them. This reality is little different if one is a parent, a care giver or a spouse. As a parent it’s deemed almost necessary to put your own needs on hold for the sake of your children. So many care givers become depressed as someone else’s needs always take precedence over their own. A balance between giving to others and caring for myself is extremely difficult but vitally important for survival and wellbeing.

Many months suffering from serious burnout is a hard way of learning the importance of self-care and that we can’t be the answer to everyone’s needs. A few years of constant callers, most in some form of crisis, and non-stop phone calls led to a gradual erosion of reflective and prayer time for myself when I would normally recharge my batteries. When no longer able to give out of abundance I continued to give, but more out of emptiness and resentment. My inability to say ‘no’ to demands became related to my need to be needed because I was now running on empty. My lack of personal boundaries had been exposed and while to all appearances I was the ‘good’ and ‘dutiful’ priest who was giving more than his all, the reality was that at an inner level I was in deep trouble and had lost my connection with source. Burnout was when my chickens finally came home to roost!

A homeless man was asked if he prayed. He replied, ‘look at the holes in the knees of my trousers, that’s how much praying I do. But I also have holes in the seat of my trousers and that’s the result of backsliding.’ Essentially prayer is spending time simply sitting in the lap of God. The scriptural term for it could be ‘abiding’. When we are not abiding we are backsliding. Padre Pio once said that ‘in the spiritual life we are either going forward or backwards but there is no in-between’. The backward journey always leads us towards egocentricity where everything revolves around me and my petty concerns. This is where I am convinced that ‘I’ must, should and ought to try harder. It is where I begin to live no longer from my heart center but more from my head. I will recognize this when my thoughts will focus on yesterday or tomorrow and I will no longer be living in the present.

Where do we see evidence in the Gospels of Christ exercising personal boundaries? Perhaps most of all in his prayer life where in the midst of busy ministry he would rise early in the morning and gave time to commune with His Father. There are times when we see him engaged in a full day of healing with the crowds clamoring for more the next day, and he simply instructs his disciples that they are now moving to a different location. Refusing to bow to collective expectations is an essential ingredient of discipleship. Then we see him steadfastly taking the road for Jerusalem, even though suffering and death await him. Here Peter remonstrates saying ‘heaven forbid that you do this.’ To which he replies, ‘Get behind me Satan.’ Refusing to bow to another person’s expectations or opinion and not allowing them to have control over us, is another essential ingredient of discipleship.