FREEDOM

By Fr Jim Cogley

Being free from material things in a materialistic world is a huge challenge. The myth we unconsciously buy into is that to have more is to be more. Our security becomes synonymous with our material well-being and even though we know that this is a foundation made of sand and can be swept from beneath our feet in an instant, or by a single sentence from a medical consultant, we still build the edifice of our lives upon it. In biblical terms to have possessions is considered a blessing and necessary for living but to be possessed by what we own is a curse. If our inner security is related to our bank balance or property portfolio then we are facing a rude awakening where what we most need at that time can’t be bought by money. It is in the nature of material greed never to be content with what one has and to always want more. However, if we are not happy with what we have, is there any guarantee that having more can do it for us?

The addiction to the approval of others is endemic and destructive but rarely classed as an addiction. Many go through their lives looking over their shoulder always concerned with what someone else might think and would they approve or disapprove. Their validation comes from without rather than from within; if that significant other is smiling, they glow inwardly but when scowling they wilt. When it happens, as it does, that the ‘other’ is having a bad hair day the comb immediately comes out of their pocket because they see it as a reflection on themselves. Many experience their lives as being under the control of someone else and feel powerless. Yet the reality is that no one had more power over us than we give them and it is to the extent that our self-esteem is below par that our personal power becomes invested elsewhere.

Five stages that form a framework for personal maturity can be outlined as 1) Know yourself 2) Understand yourself 3) Accept yourself 4) Be yourself 5) Forget yourself. It is the last stage that we most associate with freedom and rather naively think we can get there by skipping over some of the others. Knowing and understanding form the starting point and this involves exploring one’s personal story and understanding how it continues to influence our lives and actions. We are a product of that story and until we know and understand that story we remain prisoners of it. It is our untold story, not even told to ourselves, that largely determines who we are in the world and how we relate. Without integrating our story there is little self-acceptance, a tendency to want to be like others and little freedom to be truly ourselves.

It would seem to be self-evident from the world of nature that two birds can only fly if they are totally free of each other and if tied together even by a slight thread, they may have four wings but will be unable to fly. A couple come together and enter into a committed relationship. The natural expectation is for each to expect the other to be true to them. At a deeper level this carries the seeds of destruction no matter how good it seems. It can carry the unrealistic expectation that each be always there for the other to meet their needs and when this is not happening it opens the door for all sorts of insecurities and jealousies. To move a stage further to expect a partner to be true to the relationship also carries a bind while to expect a partner to be true to themselves is the only way the other is free to be true to all three.

Troublesome emotions are a feature, perhaps we could even say a curse, of so many lives. Waking up with negative emotions day after day draws the life out of living and leads to a miserable and non-productive existence. Without our permission they occupy the driving seat of the car that is our life; sometimes they refuse to even turn on the ignition and if they do get started, they bring us to the nearest ditch or perhaps a roundabout where they just keep on going round. We recognize this has happened when we engage in cyclical thinking that goes nowhere. To gain victory over our feelings it is necessary to consciously relegate them to the passenger seat and place commitment, will and determination at the wheel. Initially our emotions will protest and not want to go anywhere but by ‘acting as if’ they want to travel by the end of the journey we usually find they have become more positive and may even have enjoyed at least the latter part of the ride.

In the words of Shakespeare, the mind is capable of making a hell of heaven or a heaven out of hell. As the bible says, ‘as we think so we are’, it is our thoughts that influence our choices, create our reality and determine our future. The mind is like a stronghold that has to be conquered. A negative thought of worry, fear or resentment can so easily creep in and extinguish the light of Spirit. Then we feel a sadness and despondency as more and more negative energies make their way through. Much depression results and darkness is created when we allow our spirit to become enslaved by something on our mind. When a negative thought assails us, a useless way of dealing with it is to engage it with a spirit of hostility. The negative thought will always conquer. A more useful approach is to practice hospitality toward it, observe and communicate with it while at the same time reminding oneself not to identify with the thought and what it might be suggesting that one should do. Become like a curious bystander watching it march past while resisting the temptation to join in.