NARCISSISM

Fr Jim Cogley

One of the most popular psychological labels of our time is Narcissism. The Internet is laden with the symptoms that pertain to this condition leading many to think that they have discovered the key to understanding someone’s behavior. Perhaps it would be more fruitful to try and understand the reasons behind narcissistic behavior than in the label attached to it. The original Greek/Roman myth provides some useful insights into this condition which relates to the tragic sacrifice of the true self on the altar of the false self. The legend is about a handsome youth who while out hunting sees his reflection in a pool of water and falls in love with his own beautiful face of which his mother was so justly proud. In the legend there is also a nymph called Echo who answers his calls because she is in love not so much with him as with his beauty. For Narcissus this is very deceptive as he is being loved for his appearances and not for himself.

Continuing the myth of Narcissus who is fixated on his own appearance it is his beauty that deceives him since it shows only his perfect wonderful face but blinds him to his inner world. His shadow side becomes obscured and inaccessible. He cannot see his history, his childhood, his pain or his emotions. It is as if they do not belong to him as they are so far at variance with his beloved reflection. This is a true ego characteristic. It creates the illusion that all is well, that there is nothing wrong in my world and I don’t need to do any inner work. As my shadow side is hidden to me, I can only see what is wrong out there and how others need to change. It is a fixation on image that creates the illusion of being perfect so that in the end of the day everything is only and all about me. To hold this place I need constant adulation and am unable to feel empathy for others in their pain since I am so divorced from my own.

Applying the early part of the Narcissus Myth to life and how easy it is to become fixated on outer appearances and the maintenance of image. Society rewards beauty and appearances and helps land the best jobs. Visual imagery is captivating and alluring. Having intelligence and a good education are greatly prized as the way to get to the top. Being gifted with talent like music, drama or artistic ability are usually a powerful means of achieving recognition. Sporting ability can give the status of hero worship. Having money or property and being seen to be successful leads to a sense of being a cut above the rest. These are all good and desirable in themselves, but the downside is that they have the potential to leave one captivated – a hostage to one’s own ego, so identified with the outer as to be completely blind to inner realities.

Trying to maintain the image of the false or small self, Narcissus and all of us, stand to lose our true self. In the words of Shakespeare ‘time will transfix the beauty set on youth’, old age calls for a different kind of beauty that is inner attractiveness. Sex appeal will diminish with older age as will the lust of the flesh. Great sports stars have to retire early. A business may go bust and relationships break down. Even geniuses must retire. Failure comes under many guises of crippling humiliations. The image we carefully cultivated and invested so much of our time and energy into needs to be shattered before the true self can be born. To steadfastly hold onto what was, trying to reinforce each breach as it appears, and resisting change at all costs, is to do serious violence to our true self. It is to be a victim of image that has never awakened to what is real.