OUR WHINING AND COMPLAINING

Fr Jim Cogley

A letter appeared in the London Times many years ago and it contained just s single question, Dear Sir. What is wrong with the world? A few days later an equally short answer was received and it simply said: Dear Sir. In response to your question what’s wrong with the world, I wish to reply that ‘I am’. Yours truly GK Chesterton. The real question is never about the world out there but more about what is happening in my world. Those for whom their inner world is in turmoil are often serial complainers. These unfortunates are only capable of seeing the world in chaos while being totally blind the inner turmoil of their own world. It’s as if what cannot be recognized on the inside can only be externalized and seen out there.

Whatever we are incapable of seeing on the inside we can only see on the outside. We project our inner reality onto outer things or people and become convinced that this is what is wrong and is the cause of my unhappiness. So, we complain about the weather, the community, the job or the supervisor and blame them for our disquiet. A partner is forced to carry a burden of unrealistic expectations. He or she always feels judged and can never get it right. There are always impossible standards to live up to, and he or she is always falling short. Our outer complaining is also there towards ourselves where we live with compulsive tidiness, cleanliness or neatness. This is where everything has to be perfect in terms of what I see because what I don’t want to look at or can’t see may well be in turmoil.

What we least need in life is unloving criticism while what we most need is critical love. The serial complainer is usually completely unaware of how unloving they are in their criticism. It is criticism based on judgments rather than genuine love and is not the best way to get results. The energy of harshness and judgment is transmitted, and this tends to block a positive response. Critical love on the other hand is positive feedback and a gift for the recipient. It is given out of concern for the good of the other and not from personal annoyance. We all carry blind spots that are only visible to others and without critical love from someone who tells it as it is we can never improve in business or better relate in personal life.

The sin of being a whiner and complainer is seldom recognized for what it is. It is a disposition that is foreign to the human spirit and complainers who always have an eye for what is wrong seldom have a smile on their face. There is strong teaching particularly from the Old Testament that complaining is a serious enough matter as to impede one’s progress on the journey of life. If we take the Israelite journey out of Egypt to represent our own journey out of ego enslavement towards coming home to our true selves, we can learn many lessons about what might prevent us from making progress. One of these is to be found in the Book of Numbers Chapter 21 and referenced by Jesus Iin John 3. This is where the people complain against God and against Moses because of conditions in the wilderness.

It’s an amazing fact that the Exodus journey of the Israelites out of Egypt that took all of forty years could have been accomplished in a matter of weeks. For all those years they wandered without direction and not going anywhere. Had they listened and obeyed the voice of their God as spoken through Moses the journey would have been so much easier and direct. In the Book of Numbers Chapter 10 there is a telling incident that contributed to their delay. This is where the people begin to complain against God for causing the so much suffering and against Moses their leader for bringing them out of Egypt, where they could eat to their hearts content and now, they were sick of the unsatisfying food called manna. Apparently, they were suffering from the ‘good old days syndrome’, forgetting that they had been miserable, impoverished slaves forced to work under cruel masters.

Life in the desert was tough with the unrelenting heat of the sun, constantly on the move and with little variety in diet. It would appear that the Israelites had every right and ample reason to complain. Yet God was not pleased and He sent ‘fiery serpents that brought death to many’. This caused them to repent and so they turned to Moses to ask for guidance from God. At his request God told Moses to fashion a bronze serpent that would replicate the ones that were causing them grief. He was then instructed to hold it aloft and all who looked at the bronze serpent lived. This was a symbolic request for them to face up to their sin, take responsibility and repent. The deeper implication of their disobedience was to delay progress to the extent that all that generation would die out, and it would be their offspring who would enter the Promised Land. From a spiritual perspective this illustrates just how serious is the sin of being a serial complainer.