SEEING ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE

Fr Jim Cogley

The figure 9 when viewed from the bottom is certainly a nine but from the top it’s a six. It’s all a matter of perspective, where am I looking at the figure from. The way we see reality is always from our unique perspective and problems arise when others don’t, or can’t see it our way. Even the way three people describe an event can be so entirely different to the point one might wonder if they were all witnessing the same thing. How many misunderstandings arise simply because of this, how many legal disputes would be unnecessary if only we understood this better. What I see is my truth and what the other sees is theirs. From my perspective they are outright liars while from theirs I am the one lying. This is why there are three sides to every story: there’s yours and there’s mine and then there’s the truth!

Communication and good listening are essential for relationships to develop. To be able to communicate one’s truth to another is so important but it is equally important for the other party to listen to what is being said from my perspective. Should that person fail to stand in my shoes and hear my side of the story he or she will slip into a judgmental mode that will completely block all attempts at self-revelation. This of course has to work both ways. An old Indian piece of wisdom is never to judge another until you have walked a mile in their moccasins. To be in that non-judgmental place for listening to happen is the ideal and it is usually where we begin. However, walking in another’s shoes can be quite uncomfortable and after a short time I revert back to what I am more familiar with. Non-judgmental listening is an art that has to be sustained.

The way we see something determines entirely what we do with it. Many will look on a difficult childhood and blame this on the misery of their adult lives. Others will choose not to allow the past to hold them back but to bring it with them in some positive manner. Many of the best grief counsellors grew up with sadness and loss. Some with horrendous childhoods put their experience to good use in working with troubled kids or teenagers. Similarly, there are those who have been the victims of sexual abuse who have worked through their trauma and are now the best in that field of expertise.

Usually, it takes quite a lot of time before we can see the positive that is concealed in the negative. Yet our lives will be determined not so much by what happened to us but more so by how we responded and what we did with what happened. For far too many, painful events that carry so much potential for growth and development are relegated to the realm of the unconscious and while they appear to be out of sight they still continue to affect us in ways that are hidden in plain sight.

The Bible in Romans 8 offers a very challenging perspective when it invites us to see that ‘God works everything for the good for those who love Him.’  It takes a faith perspective not to see problems but always solutions. We easily forget that to live a life of faith is to always be fundamentally optimistic. To treat a stumbling block as a steppingstone is itself a faith step. To believe that God doesn’t close one door without opening another is also an attitude of faith that may give recognition as to how difficult we find the corridors! To see a disappointment as a divine appointment may take time but it is a faith attitude that allows that to unfold. Finally to stand at the grave of a loved one and see death not just as an end but as a new beginning is faith at its best.