SINCERITY

By Fr Jim Cogley

While chatting with someone recently I became very aware that the inner journey is about a lot more than sincerity. This lady had it in abundance and after having had a close encounter with death she was grateful for being given a second chance and sincerely wanted to give her all to the Christian way of living. She spoke of all the ways she needed to improve her life like become more aware of her shortcomings, being less judgmental, going out of her way to practice kindness and a host of other improvements that were now on her ‘to do’ list. I surprised her by asking that if all her ‘oughts’ and ‘shoulds’ were fulfilled would she be a better actor or a better Christian? Naturally this answer needed elaboration so I followed through with another question; does a change in external behavior bring about an inner transformation or would an inner change not naturally give rise to a more loving way of being in the world?

I was conscious listening to that lady, that she represented so many who were brought up with a belief that I can make myself a better Christian by my own efforts. The reality is that if I could, ‘I’ – my ego would get the credit, I would be proud of myself and grace would have no place in the picture. To succeed in changing outer behavior without an inner change is little more than window dressing. The more a donkey tries to behave like a horse the bigger an ass he makes of himself! To some this may sound shocking but surely this is where CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), that is so popular today, falls short. Certainly its important to get our thinking right and the Bible advocates that we do so, however, to modify our behavior without a change of heart is surely to miss the mark?

After being baptized and going through the sacraments of initiation there is a strong, but false, underlying assumption that we are now on our own, and that its up to us as to how we live our Christian lives. There is a sense that this is true since we do decide the extent of our commitment and how far we wish to go on the journey. However the paradox is that our successful attempts only bring us more into alignment with the mentality of the Pharisees, the ones that Christ slated so much in the Gospels, these were those who prided themselves as the upholders of the Law, and who appeared to be doing everything right. Even the word ‘pharisee’ means ‘an actor’ and Christ denounced them as hypocrites who were like ‘whitewashed tombs’, that looked good on the outside but inside were full of dead people’s bones.

Herein lies the absolute paradox of Christianity, that it is only by getting it wrong that we get it right, it is only be failing that we succeed, and it is only when we fall that we get lifted up. This truth is evident everywhere throughout the Gospels. Christ said he came to call ‘not the virtuous but sinners’, he was the physician to the sick not to those who thought they were well. It was the sinners, tax collectors and prostitutes that found a home in his heart while the responsible, respectable and sincere ones were left out in the cold. The Kingdom he said was for the poor in Spirit, those who having made a mess of their lives  now knew their need of God. Has this basic truth been heard in our churches even after all these years? I suspect that it is still to be heard by the vast majority and that it is still ‘shocking’ news.

Returning to the lady, her journey wasn’t about trying harder in the hope of succeeding. It was much more about recognizing her weakness and inability to do all the things she wanted to do and allowing that awareness to bring her to a place of surrender and letting go. As a child she had received a lot of criticism when growing up and had developed a strong inner critic. It was this and consequent lack of self-acceptance that she needed to bring in surrender and in the letting go to enter into the life of Grace. Previous to this her prayer had been ‘Lord I intend to do this that or the other thing’ but now it is changing to ‘Lord I can’t, but you can, and therefore I will’. With such a humble attitude, and a disposition of surrender, her life is ready to bear the fruits of all the good that she so sincerely desired, but this time the credit will be to her God and not to her ego.