Those who die by suicide so often bring their reasons to the grave and leave us with a host of unanswered questions. These unanswerable questions can become a convenient place to park our grief. It is easier to torment ourselves with the questions than it is to face the pain of our loss. The reality is that even if all our questions were answered, it would not bring back our loved one, nor would it lessen the necessity to face the pain of our grief. With deaths other than suicide a whole host of unanswered questions can arise; how did he/she die and was someone responsible? What if the doctor hadn’t misdiagnosed? What if the hospital had been more alert and treated her differently? With such questions as these we torture our souls. Unconsciously we need them as diversions from the real issue of how we need to feel in relation to our loss. While they will postpone
the necessary work of grief, and provide a distraction, they cannot make us avoid it, and without engagement there can be no resolution.
Fr Jim Cogley