Fr Jim Cogley
There is no doubt that people handle crisis very differently, some remain strong and resilient while going through the fiercest of storms, yet others fall apart at the slightest turbulence. Surprisingly it is often the most deeply committed Christians who lack inner strength when engulfed by a storm. Equally surprising, and perhaps related, is the fact that those of high IQ (Intelligent quotient) have been shown to not fare as well as those of modest IQ. The foremost reason seems to be that those who fall apart have not learned to handle their emotions properly. People coming from a strong faith background tend to spiritualize how they feel, or ‘offer it up’ which is in effect to suppress their emotions. Similarly those who have a high IQ tend to live more in their heads, and this becomes their defence mechanism against how they might be feeling. Being able to admit our feelings and not pretending we are experiencing something when we really are is the measure of our EQ or emotional intelligence. This equates to living from the heart and is a different way of being smart that is far more valuable than having a good intellect. (Even if the pay is not as good!)
Why do so many of us live in our heads far too much, and why are we so identified with our thoughts? Western society, based on Descartes philosophy, ‘I think and therefore I am’, has prized the head for centuries, but at the expense of the heart. We became more adept at finding solutions through our heads than navigating our heart space. Emotions can never be processed by thinking, they can only be suppressed or stored in our heads temporarily. Always they will seek an outlet in order that they can be recognized and integrated. This we will find in our spontaneous, unrehearsed reactions that trip us up (that we put down to just having a bad hair day!) We will even find ourselves creating situations of de-ja-vous and wonder why on earth does this always keep happening to me? Our repressed emotions will not allow us to sleep properly. Walking up in the morning for so many is dreadful because our buried emotions have come to close to consciousness that they are close to breaking through. This of course can feel like a breakdown and then we struggle so hard to get our ‘thoughts’ back together to face the day!
Tony from his childhood years had been an out and out computer genius. There seemed to be no problem either with hardware of software that he couldn’t solve. Naturally in our world of technology he was a very useful man to know. One day I asked him how he had become so engrossed in the world of technology. A family tragedy had happened while he was still young with three family members being killed. The emotional onslaught and fall-out in the home was too great to handle so he needed an escape. The world of computers had opened out and while he couldn’t control what had happened at home he could be in control while sitting at his computer. He freely admitted that his virtual world wasn’t the real world and that it was very difficult for him to now be in relationship and cope with having children. So many years later the world of emotion was still foreign territory and he suspected that sooner rather than later it would catch up and it wouldn’t be just his computer that would ‘crash’.
Comments